I am learning to not let my phone dictate how I spend my time. My iphone lights up constantly with email, texts, and notifications. On one hand, I love being in touch and feeling connected. However, I knew I had to make a shift when I found myself sitting in the parking lot checking email...on my way to a relaxing hour to myself. Of course, the idea was to make sure I didn't need to act on anything before I relaxed, but that can be counter productive. In the end, we all have to decide on how to share ourselves, be responsive and actually have time alone to reflect, relax or whatever drives you. Can you turn off your cell phone? Can you spend some time not being reached? Let's tinker with this together, I'd love to know your thoughts!

Today I found a phone app that allows me to use it as a virtual assistant to make requests such as “buy flowers”, “find flights to Miami”. Therein began a twisted tale of waiting and hoping. I am always tinkering with ways to be productive, yet sane and with down time. So…with a month ahead that begged to be simplified, I thought I’d add this to my arsenal. After spending about 10 minutes getting the app to properly recognize my speech, location and preferences, I asked it to find me a hotel special on Martha’s Vineyard. Instead, I was deluged with hotels near my “location”, i.e. DC not Massachusetts. So then I asked the app to ignore my “location” and added the word “Massachusetts” to my previous request. Then I was deluged with all Massachusetts hotels. After about 20 minutes, I realized a quick web search would have spared me the nail biting angst of enunciating loudly to my phone repeatedly. Oh my! I decided to pick my battles and left it alone. That episode left me more in need of a serious vacation after all. What ever happened to travel agents? Do they still exist? Sometimes a human response feels as antiquated and slow as a turtle,  yet refreshingly simple.

We are seeing many of the effects of impulsive thinking played out in the media. Much of this is driven by the sense that we lack time to think and reflect. We are in a very driven, “live” culture that keeps us feeling in the loop, or treadmill of everyone’s drama and melodramas. It is even MORE important now that we learn to carve out our own mental space to reflect on what we really think and how we wish to react, or not. Sometimes, I need to do that by speaking to family or friends so that I can reflect aloud. Not by email or facebook, but a conversation. Those can take time, but again, the refreshment and space provided by conversing allows for the mental space- that has become such a luxury- to unfold.

Then again, maybe I won’t. That phrase is the name one of my favorite books; but it also is about allowing your self permission not to overload. When making decisions about what to do sometimes I have to remind myself of what my “umbrella” is. When deciding what to sign up for, where to go, etc. I can feel tugged like a leaf on a storm. To avoid feeling tugged about, I literally think about where "it" falls within the scheme of things…sometimes it means that going to the third invite for the weekend may not be in the best interest when you need down time.  Or perhaps skipping the holiday out-of-town drive is just what we need to actually feel revived. You really can decide –“then again, maybe I won’t”.

It wasn't planned...but perhaps the summer unfolded more leisurely because I am inclined to be less busy-- unless left without a choice (which feels like often, lol). This summer the children are not going to camps and are doing one set of activities apiece. It has meant more playground time, some more play dough stuck to the rug, and more time in the library. If your children are not in full time care for the summer, its easy to feel compelled to occupy their time for them. A proposition I have is to let them occupy their own time. Perhaps, depending on their age, they may need some guidance. However, after some minor squirming, it is amazing what they can do with the right materials and nurturing of skills. Curiosity abounds and unfolds if we nurture it and allow for some (gasp) boredom occasionally.  Amazingly enough, if there is a moderate amount of materials and stimuli they can notice the abundance all around them as opposed to inundating them with things to do, blurring activities from the car window. So allow yourself some time, and for them to notice, create and simplify. I love Simplicity Parenting, by Kim John Payne, he reinforces the sanity of keeping it simpler with our children. Click left for more info and enjoy your day!

More and more information is flooding traditional book stores about the importance of play. Funny how experts need to remind us of what we already know! In fact, what children know. Children love to play. In play creativity flourishes and there is time to unwind and process. One of my favorite artists, Sade, said it best, "I like to allow children to be children as long as possible."  (Essence Magazine, April 2010 issue).  She even credits the long respites that she takes with helping her to go deep to create beautiful music.


Though we have much to do, we want to recall that "all and work and no play" adage...it's really true! Your children will thank you for it.  Your schedule will sigh in relief as you relieve yourself from trying to fill their every free moment with something to do. Trust me...they fill the void or enjoy it, if trusted to do what they do best. Want to try Sade or still haven't enjoyed the new album yet? Here's the link!